Lost and Found
by poetrywife
Summary: Otalia Fan Fic


**LOST AND FOUND:**

(After Olivia found out that Phillip was dying: a different scenario)

Phillip was dying…life was churning insufferably around Olivia…descending upon her…much like a merciless vulture would its prey…talons flaring…ripping flesh as life was now ripping away at Olivia's soul…right now all Olivia could think about was the loss…Natalia leaving her…Natalia's son Rafe leaving Springfield to join the army…Phillip dying…so much loss…

Natalia had been gone and now she was back in Springfield and wanting back into Olivia's life…back into Olivia's heart. When Natalia had left Springfield without a word it had devastated Olivia, crushed her spirit, broken her heart. Olivia had thought that Natalia had left her and wasn't coming back. Olivia had spiraled into a deep despondence but it was her friend Doris Wolfe who reminded her that even though Natalia had left, that Olivia still had her wonderful daughters, she still had love in her life, that she could still make a life with Emma and Ava, family and friends.

And now Phillip…their past relationship had been turbulent but in recent weeks, since Phillip's return to Springfield…Olivia had found that Phillip had returned the man she once cared for…he was again, the handsome, caring, strong man who was Emma's father…and then he had told her he was dying…just when his family and friends had him back…he would be gone again…

Even though Olivia was making every effort to move on with her life, she found herself surrendering to her fears and doubts…desperately pushing the ache in her soul away…pushing Natalia away…closing herself off…Olivia felt battered amidst life's tumultuous designs…

Olivia couldn't breath…she needed to sever herself…from the empty responsibilities of the Beacon…from her painful parting from Natalia…from the cruel necessity of dealing with Phillip's heartbreaking news…the need utterly overwhelmed her…Olivia needed to find that place again where she felt safe…needed to go where she could breathe again…

Olivia wanted…Olivia needed…her best friend…but…

Before she could will herself to stop…Olivia had her cell phone out of her purse and had dialed…she heard herself saying four simple words…

"I need to see you…"

*******

Natalia moved adeptly through the farmhouse, straightening and organizing papers…pillows…pictures…books…trying to quell the anxious beating of her heart. Olivia's call had taken Natalia completely off guard. Olivia was coming to the farmhouse…

Since Natalia had returned to Springfield, Olivia had done everything to show Natalia's that in no uncertain terms…that their relationship was over…they weren't going to be together…

When Natalia had found out she was pregnant with Frank's baby…she had been overwhelmed with confusion and shame. Back then it had led her to leave town. She needed to be away from everyone and everything to figure what she was going to do. Natalia had left Olivia behind…she hadn't been able to bring herself to tell Olivia about the pregnancy. Then Natalia had realized that the baby was a gift. It was a chance to experience the joy of raising a child with the person you love and Olivia was her love…

When Natalia had met Olivia they had both been lost…grieving over the death of Natalia's childhood sweetheart and husband…Gus Aitoro. But the loss had brought them together…first in adversity…then friendship…and finally in love. There was a time when Natalia had been confused, uncertain…even ashamed of loving Olivia…but those doubts…that time…had long since faded…

Olivia saw Natalia's heart…her spirit…saw Natalia for who she was yet also for who she could be. Natalia knew that Olivia was hurting…that she had hurt Olivia by leaving the way that she had…but Natalia also knew that she and Olivia were meant to be together. Natalia knew with every part of her that Olivia was the love of her life and Natalia couldn't bear to be without her…

Natalia was startled from her thoughts of Olivia by the knock at the door…

*******

When Natalia opened the door…saw Olivia…who exuded strength and passion…

yet possessed a subtle vulnerability in her soul…her incredible Olivia…Natalia's breath caught in her chest…she couldn't quiet the rapid thumping of her heart…and then Natalia felt it…saw it…the anguish in Olivia's exquisite green eyes. Natalia moved aside wordlessly, letting Olivia come inside and move past her into the living room of the farmhouse. Then Natalia simply closed the door and moved into the living room standing away from Olivia…giving Olivia the distance she needed. Natalia gazed at Olivia as Olivia stood by the fireplace, grasping one of the picture frames from the fireplace mantle in trembling hands.

More than anything, Natalia wanted to go to Olivia, to wrap her arms around Olivia…to comfort her…to love Olivia's pain away…but she did not…Natalia simply waited for Olivia to speak. Olivia carefully placed the picture back on the mantle and when she finally spoke, Olivia's words were stained with sorrow…

"It's Phillip, Emma and I met him at the park today…he's sick Natalia…he told me that he's been sick for awhile…that he's dying and there's nothing that the doctors can do for him…

"Olivia…"

"I don't know how to deal with this right now…Phillip just came back to his family, to Emma…and now…how can something like this happen…I just…"

Natalia waited as more words failed Olivia…watched as the tears emerged in Olivia's eyes…watched as Olivia's natural resolve began to crumble…Natalia watched Olivia…her friend…her love…in so much agony and before she could stop herself…moved to Olivia, took Olivia's trembling hands in hers…brought those hands to her lips, kissing them softly…

"I'm so sorry…"

Natalia felt Olivia's hands stiffen in hers…felt Olivia's body recoiling slightly against her touch…but Natalia couldn't let Olivia push her away right now…

"Please Olivia…just let me be here for you…"

Olivia stood in the living room of the farmhouse…surrounded by all the memories…the sounds, sight and smells of herself with Natalia…talking, laughing, arguing, sharing, loving…Olivia did not want this pain…did not want to allow the reckless temptress of despondence to engulf her as it had once before…wasn't that why Olivia had come…because Natalia was what made her feel safe…whole…loved…couldn't she just let…and then Olivia felt the hot tears sliding down her face…felt Natalia's loving arms sliding around her holding her close…

*******

Olivia and Natalia curled up on the sofa in the living of the farmhouse…remained curled-up together for hours…Natalia keeping her arms around Olivia and simply listening as Olivia talked about Phillip…their past…their stormy relationship…Phillip's father Alan…Olivia finding out that she was pregnant with Emma…finding out that Phillip was Emma's father…Phillip's mental illness…Olivia's leaving Springfield and giving birth to Emma…all the events, agonizing and joyous that had led to Philip's return to Springfield…his return into the lives of his family and his children…only to learn that he would be leaving them again in death. Natalia simply held onto Olivia as she purged herself of her inner turmoil…talking…crying…raging…against life's vicious corridors…Natalia held onto Olivia and listened as Olivia's fury and misery ebbed away…Natalia listened and loved as Olivia finally cried herself softly to sleep.

Then Natalia gently removed herself from Olivia and carefully moved the blanket from the back of the sofa to cover her. Natalia gazed at Olivia…knowing that a life with Olivia and their children was everything she needed…everything she wanted…she would fight for Olivia…wait for Olivia…forever. Natalia reached out her hand, simply to touch Olivia's face…but faltered…then reluctantly let her hand fall gently away…Natalia then carefully moved away from the sofa and went quietly upstairs to bed.

*******

When Olivia awoke quiet greeted her. Olivia pulled herself into a sitting position, letting the blanket slip from her body the floor. She looked around the living room of the farmhouse…Natalia's being there for Olivia last night had meant everything...

How many times had Olivia been working late with Beacon paperwork, or a conference call and fallen asleep on this sofa, only to have Natalia lovingly cover her with the very same blanket…how many times had she awakened to the cool morning air…gotten up from the sofa and made her way into the kitchen where Natalia was already busy…coffee made for Olivia and cooking something delectable for her and Emma…how many times had Natalia nurtured her…loved her…in the all simplest ways…

Olivia got up from the sofa, crossed the living room and pressed her way through the door to the cozy farmhouse kitchen…

"Natalia…"

The now empty kitchen…and in that moment Olivia had never felt a more aching aloneness…Olivia let her eyes wander around the room remembering the many, many batches of cookies…remembering the laughter…remembering the love that permeated every room of the farmhouse…the love that she and Natalia had for one another…the love they both had for Emma and Rafe…and then Olivia's eyes rested on the kitchen table, where she saw the plate of muffins…one of Natalia's favorite guilty pleasures…then saw the note addressed to her…Olivia moved quickly to the kitchen table snatching up the note…opening it and reading…

_**Olivia, I wanted to be there when you woke up…**_

_**but I know that you need time**_

_**and I want to give that to you.**_

_**There's coffee and muffins--chocolate pecan--your favorite.**_

_**So please try and eat something.**_

_**I hope you know that I will always be here for you and Emma,**_

_**if you need me.**_

_**I love you, Natalia.**_

Olivia held Natalia's note…emotions clashing inside her heart…her soul…the guilt of Gus's death…the astonishment of Natalia's sacrifice in allowing Olivia to have Gus's heart…the gratitude for Natalia's belief in her…Natalia taking care of her…the friendship they had formed from their unexpected life at the farmhouse…living through the tragedies and triumphs of their children…the surprise of their love developing through shared moments…shared trials…shared joys…

Olivia forced herself to feel beyond the hurt…would there ever really be a moment when she didn't think of Natalia…could not feel joy or love for her…Olivia's thoughts flowed…effortless…endless…Natalia's goodness…Natalia's faithfulness…Natalia's warmth…Natalia's beauty…

Olivia remembered talking with Phillip in the park…what he had said to her…not to lose Natalia by pushing her away…not to waste time with the ones that you love…it had made Olivia think about loss, about love and what was really important. Natalia had hurt Olivia but in the end love was so much stronger than hurt. Having Natalia in her life had changed Olivia and she couldn't go back to being who she once was. Olivia wanted, needed love…Natalia's love…she couldn't be…didn't want to be…without Natalia ever again…

There was nothing left for Olivia to do but to go…to go beyond the pain, the anger and the regret…to where her heart reigned…to where she belonged…Olivia grabbed a muffin from the plate on the kitchen table and moved quickly from the farmhouse…

*******

When Olivia reached the gazebo…she forced herself to slow down…to breath. Olivia moved quietly into the gazebo and saw Natalia…legs drawn up onto the bench…the sun glinting off Natalia's lustrous dark hair…Natalia's delicate chin cupped in her palm…Natalia's arm against the railing…as she gazed out at the shimmering water…

For a moment Olivia found that she couldn't speak…a momentary stab of fear…of doubt…edging its way into her thoughts…but these were rapidly extinguished as Natalia turned her head to look at Olivia…her soft warm smile filled with boundless devotion…

Natalia had gotten up from the bench, looking at Olivia…her love and concern for Olivia evident in her face. Olivia saw Natalia move a step closer to her and then falter…uncertainty flickering in Natalia's divine russet eyes…God couldn't Natalia see…an aching disappointment consumed Olivia…had she truly succeeded in pushing Natalia away…

"Olivia, are you okay…"

"No—I'm not—I don't want to do this anymore—"

"Olivia—"

"Please—just let me get this out—what's happening with Phillip—it just makes you realize how—God, Natalia, I love you more than I have ever loved anyone else—but you hurt me—you did the one thing I thought that you could never do—you broke my heart—and I've been so scared—too scared to let you back into my life—"

Olivia watched as a painful pageant of emotions flashed across Natalia's face…in Natalia's eyes…hurt, regret, distress…when Natalia spoke, her words were subdued and sorrowful…

"I know I hurt you and I think you know that I am sorry…that I would do anything to make that hurt go away…"

"Stop! You need to listen to me!" Olivia looked at Natalia…standing there…Natalia's mouth open in the middle of speech…the astonishment of Olivia's outburst evident in her eyes. Olivia quickly continued.

"I've been too scared to let you back into my heart—but what scares me even more is loosing you forever—I don't—I don't want to do this anymore—I love you and I don't want to be without you—"

Olivia found it immediately arduous to inhale a single breath…to look away from Natalia as Natalia stood gazing at her…incredulous and then exuberant…and then Natalia simply closed the distance between them…moving to Olivia and throwing her arms around Olivia's neck and hugging her, Olivia could feel Natalia's smile… could feel the incredible warmth flowing into her heart…into her entire being. Olivia slid her arms around Natalia hugging her back.

Natalia then pulled away to look at Olivia but never leaving their embrace. Natalia reached up taking Olivia's face in her hands, her eyes locking with Olivia's, reassuring, loving, devoted…

"You're not going to lose me, we are going to be together, we are going to be a family, we are meant to be…"

Natalia then took one of Olivia's hands and placed it against her heart…then placing her hand over Olivia's…holding it there…

"This is yours…I am yours…I always will be…"

Olivia felt tears in her eyes…felt the closeness and warmth of Natalia's body…felt the intense rapid beating of Natalia's heart against her hand…felt the flawlessness of the moment…finally and blissfully felt the softness, the sweetness of Natalia's lips on hers…

When they parted…breathless…Natalia broke the silence, her words imprinted with love and longing…

"Let's go home…"

And then Natalia looked at Olivia and smiled…soft…dimpled…knowing…and Olivia smiled back, willingly allowing Natalia to take her hand and pull her promptly and playfully from the gazebo…

*******

They spent the rest of the afternoon in Natalia's bed…exploring, enjoying one another…hands touching and caressing…mouths kissing and tasting…everywhere…leaving smudges of heat against lips…eyelids…necks… shoulders…breasts…all their emotions, all their fears, all their doubts bursting from them, as they made love softly then ardently…coming exquisitely together…and then just holding one another…breathing one another in…

"Olivia…"

"Natalia…"

Olivia kissed Natalia, soft words falling from her lips, Olivia's warm breath lingering against Natalia's shoulder.

"I've never loved anyone like this…like I love you..."

When Natalia looked at her, Olivia's heart faltered, instantly uneasy within her chest as Olivia saw the tears glimmering in Natalia's warm mahogany eyes…Natalia was quick to reassure her…

"I'm okay…they're happy tears…you make me so happy…you're the love of my life…"

Then all they could do was just be together, tangled up tenderly in the soft warm sheets…cherishing the blissful intertwining of their bodies, their hearts, their souls…finally completely together…lost and then found…

All that there was, was the simple, satisfying pleasure of slipping into soft sleep within each others arms…


End file.
